The price of perfection
by Sophie Sweetheart
Summary: Rachel and Quinn both wish they were perfect. Rachel has depression. Quinn has Anorexia.Can they work out their problems with the help of one another?
1. Chapter 1

Quinn woke up to the sound of her mother's voice shouting to her from downstairs, it was a Wednesday but she didn't have school today, instead she had to do something much worse. She was trying on bridesmaids dresses. In the past, this would have been something that she adored but now, it was something she truly dreaded, she would rather be at school and that was saying something. She had always been obsessed with her looks and her weight and thought that after her transformation from Lucy Caboosey to Quinn Fabray, she had been cured, but recently she felt herself sliding back into the old routine she used to live by, wanting to cry every time she looked into the mirror. She didn't know what it was that had ruined her self-confidence again, maybe it was because she was no longer a Cheerio or the fact that Shelby didn't allow her to see Beth, maybe she should just change her hair back to pink again, although she secretly hated that look, she liked the way that people saw her as a badass, as someone who didn't care about what she looked like or what others thought of her. This couldn't be further than the truth right now though. She got out of bed and stretched walking over to her closet; she opened it and saw a variety of dresses hanging in front of her. She pulled out a black one, a colour she rarely wore now but today she thought the colour reflected her mood rather well. She went in the bathroom and freshened up changing into her dress and adding some light makeup, she didn't wear that much, she didn't need to, she had flawless skin and her eyes just needed a small outline to make them shine perfectly. She walked back out into her bedroom and she looked at herself in the mirror. She turned around a couple of times so she could check her reflection from different angles. She ran her fingers through her hair, fluffing it up slightly, making it flow perfectly. She smiled and showed off her perfect white teeth running her hand down her dress; she stopped as she felt her stomach and her smile faded. She tugged at her dress a little, trying to make her stomach appear flatter; she sighed and sat down on the end of her bed. She still hated her body, it was worse now, since giving birth to Beth she had a couple of stretch marks which would not go no matter how much she tried to get rid of them with various creams and lotions. She hated the way she looked. She lay back resting her head on the wall and closed her eyes taking a deep breath. She remembered Lucy, the way she used to look, the person she used to be and bit her lip fighting back her tears. Lucy was in the past now, she doesn't exist anymore, she was a nightmare, the ugly duckling before she transformed into a swan. She could change Lucy's appearance but she still felt like her inside. The insecurity and self-hate wasn't that easy to remove, there weren't surgeons or weight loss pills for that.

"Quinnie. Your breakfast is ready." She heard her mother shout from downstairs. She sighed deeply; eating was the last thing she wanted to do right now. Still, she stood up passing the mirror resisted to look in it again; if she did she knew she would hate what she saw looking back at her. She ambled downstairs and saw her mother sitting at the table glancing over a fashion magazine. She forced a smile as she walked in; since her parents had divorced she had formed a closer bond with her mother, she saw her more as a friend now, and she needed as many friends as she could find, now she was off the Cheerios she had lost a lot of her so called friends. She sat down at the table and looked at the variety of food laid across it; she grimaced as she calculated in her head how many calories were in each piece of food.

"I'm not really that hungry mom, I'm not feeling so great this morning." She lied coolly; she had gotten good at lying, she had spent most of her life doing it, whether it was lying to herself or to other people, she had pretty much mastered the art of lying. Judy looked up from her magazine with a slight look of concern over her face.

"Maybe it would be better if you stayed home and rested today." She smiled at her daughter and reached her hand across the table resting it on top of Quinn's. "You'll be alright on your own though right? I have to go to work shortly."

"Mom, I had a baby not so long ago, I think I'll be fine for a couple of hours on my own." She smiled reassuringly and took a sip of her orange juice before she stood up and kissed Judy's cheek. "I'm gonna go upstairs and change, have a good day at work, I love you mom."

"I love you too, I'll see you tonight." She smiled at her daughter and got up to clean the table before she had to leave for work. Quinn walked back upstairs, happy that she had got out of the dress fittings, she felt bad lying to her mom but she didn't want her to know the real reason why she didn't want to go. Her mom had already dealt with so much because of her she didn't want her to worry. She got in her room and sat on her bed looking out of the window as she saw her mom drive away to work, the first thing she did when she saw her mom had left was take her dress off and change into the baggiest clothes she could find, that being a pair of Abercrombie sweatpants and a 'I heart NY' t-shirt both of which she had brought last year in New York. She smiled as she reminisced on the New York trip, a lot of things had happened during the three days that the Glee club were there, they may not have placed at Nationals but it was certainly a trip that Quinn would never forget. It was whilst she was there that she realised that she had feelings for Rachel Berry, although she hadn't told her that of course but at least they were friends now, it was better than them being enemies. Quinn lay back on her bed thinking about what she was going to do now she had the whole day to herself; she shivered slightly and crawled under her bedcovers, and grabbed her phone off of the window sill. She thought she would text Rachel and invite her over after school, her mom was going to be out at work until pretty late and she didn't feel like spending the entire day alone. She quickly texted her and lay back on her bed staring at the ceiling. She slowly shut her eyes and drifted off into a light sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Rachel walked to school slowly dragging her feet on the sidewalk; she clutched her phone, staring at the text she had received last night. It was from Finn. 'We need to talk.' That was all he had put, no kisses or I love you's, she knew it was bad. She didn't reply to his text because she knew that if given the chance to he would probably break up with her via text and that was something she would not stand for, if he was going to break up with her which she was almost certain he would, then he should do it like a man and tell her in person. She prolonged her journey to school stopping off at the shop to buy a bottle of water and some gum, she was dreading seeing Finn, she always knew he would hurt her again, he always did.

She walked into the school halls passing Santana who greeted her with her usual glare and snide remark. Rachel walked by ignoring her, it's all she could do really; she wasn't in the mood to start an argument with Santana especially knowing that a fight with Finn was going to be inevitable. She shifted her bag on her shoulder and made sure her posture was perfect before she looked over to her right and saw Finn by his locker, she gulped and took a step forward holding her head up high, if she was going to get dumped, she was going to get dumped with her dignity still intact. "Good morning Finn." She smiled acting as if everything was normal between them even though she knew it wasn't. For the last couple of weeks all they had been doing was fighting, usually over trivial things that didn't matter to either of them. Finn looked down at her closing his locker door. Rachel could already see how uncomfortable he looked around her, the look of love which had filled his eyes just months ago had completely vanished and staring back at her were a pair of lost, confused eyes.

"Rachel, you didn't reply to my text." He said to her, shifting his weight from one foot to another, making it clear to her that something was on his mind. She hated what had become of them, they were the glee club's power couple not so long ago, and she truly believed that they would be 'Rachel and Finn' forever. She sighed deeply when she thought about what had happened to them, quickly disguising it with a cough.

"I was busy Finn. But you can tell me now." She said quietly, pulling down the sleeves of her cardigan over the top of her hands. Her eyes instantly fell to the floor, he hadn't even said anything yet and she still couldn't look at him.

"Not here." Finn replied scanning the corridor quickly and taking Rachel's wrist dragging her gently into an empty classroom. She winced slightly as she felt Finn's touch against her arm; she followed swiftly behind him so his grip would not tighten anymore. Although Finn's grip was loose against her, she could still feel her wrist throbbing underneath her cardigan. As they entered the classroom, he let go of her and perched on the end of a desk, Rachel stood in front of him shaking her right arm to try and rid it from the pain. The change of scenery made her more nervous; with the door of the classroom closed it was almost silent compared to the sound in the corridor. "Rachel." He began, taking a quick pause to look at her, the smile which he often wore around her had been wiped from his face and instead a blank, face of a stranger stared back at Rachel.

"Just do it Finn." She whispered quietly, just loud enough for him to hear. She looked up at him, with tears pricking her eyes. "Just make it quick this time." She said a little louder, her eyes wandering away from him and finding a spot on the wall where she kept her stare, frightened that if she looked at him again, she would break down into a flood of uncontrollable tears. Her original plan of acting dignified had already backfired and she was trying as hard as she could not to completely crumble in front of him.

"I'm sorry Rachel, I love you, but things aren't the same anymore." He stuttered on his words slightly looking at her, he bit his lip; this was harder than he thought it would be. He had tried so hard to make it work between them and he knew that Rachel had too; she had even cut out some of her vocal practice time so she could spend time with him after football training. Rachel nodded slowly still looking at the wall, she felt her bottom lip begin to tremble and she bit on it fiercely before finding all the strength she had to turn to face Finn.

"I know." She said quietly closing her eyes for a second; she looked up at him and hugged him tightly, resting her head against his chest feeling his heartbeat against her cheek for one last time. "I'm sorry we can't make things work." She sighed softly feeling her eyes fill up with tears again as she felt the familiar touch of his hands rest on the back of her body. She stayed leaning into him for several minutes before pulling away and forcing a small smile to form on her lips. "Goodbye Finn." She said to him and kissed him on the cheek, she still hated this situation but she had accepted that it was over between them now, she only hoped that one day, maybe when they were older, that they would reconcile a little like Barbra Streisand's and Robert Redford's characters did in The Way We Were. Finn nodded slightly and stood up.

"I'll see you around Rachel." He smiled back at her before walking out of the classroom leaving her alone to gather her thoughts. Rachel sighed taking in everything that had just happened, in a way she felt relieved, now they weren't together anymore they could no longer argue but she already missed him. Finn was the only one who could understand her, he accepted her for who she was and he knew all of her deepest secrets, except one. The one that no one knew apart from herself. The one that if people found out about they wouldn't look at her the same way again. She was battling depression; it hit her every night when she was alone, she hated it, she hated herself. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath rolling up her sleeve to reveal a number of fresh scarlet scratches traced along her wrist. She stared at them and shook her head in disbelief, she couldn't believe she had done this to herself, especially over Finn, it didn't change anything, he still broke up with her, she knew she shouldn't have done it but that text last night had sent her over the edge. It was as if she was in a trance, like she wasn't herself, she needed a release, to escape reality and set her mind upon something else. This was it; the sudden pain that she felt had distracted her from Finn and it gave her a strange sense of control, at the time she didn't recognise the full effect of what she was doing, all she cared about was that she wasn't thinking about reality.

Rachel's thoughts were interrupted by her phone, she felt it vibrate from inside her pocket and took it out expecting it to be Finn, it wasn't. It was from Quinn, she smiled as she read it, a friend was exactly what she needed right now, in fact she really needed to talk to her right now. She walked out of the classroom and was hit with a wave of spontaneity, instead of moping about in class; she was going to spend some time with her friend Quinn. She smiled to herself, she loved that she could call Quinn her friend now, it seemed like they had disliked each other for so long in the past that they could never be friends, but then New York happened. The thought of Quinn and New York had raised her mood a little and she casually strolled out of school as if she had done it a thousand times before.


End file.
